you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
vagina is talking i cant
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
