Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
