she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
