the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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