He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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