I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
