i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
