I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
