That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
