I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
