wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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