Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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