I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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