Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
not ubering you a puppy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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