I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm really into asian looking animals
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
