my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
