You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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