make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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