I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
