I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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