She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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