well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
