if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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