I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize