why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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