a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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