I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
