Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forget how to act sober
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
