I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize