just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just pee around me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
