he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
