your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
