yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
