How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
