Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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