He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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