I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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