dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
