Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
