She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
