Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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