it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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