I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
