Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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