So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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