You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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