The maid of honor just puked.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
