Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
