Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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