He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
