Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
