apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
