no you cant smoke seaweed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
