I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
