Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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