everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
