Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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