so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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