I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
