i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
