Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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