He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
