i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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