Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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