Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
