Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
